Run...Jump.....and Let Go....

Brock took off running as soon as he saw his Christmas present come through the airline door. He was so excited to see his daddy.

The kids literally jumped into Ry's arms and held him tight. The kids continued to hold on tight to Ry for the next three days. They were his little shadows and followed him everywhere.

I initially had mixed feelings about Ry coming home. Of course I wanted to see him but another emotional goodbye was too much to think about. Im glad he came home, in the end it was worth it, but eventually we had to let go....

After getting over the goodbyes, I started to think that maybe letting go could be embraced in a way. Maybe letting go is feared because it is about change. Could I let go in a different way?

Im not one for new years resolutions. Mainly because I dont follow rigid things like diet of weight and then end up feeling worse thus defeating the purpose of a resolution. So with the new year beginning, I think I will make a promise to think more outside of myself and nourish my spirit with loving that I could let go. I let go of fear and am welcoming the new year.

Hello and Goodbye.......

We got some great news!!! Since Ryan is still in the States for the next two weeks, doing his pre-mobilization training, he is going to be able to come home for three days over Christmas. We are SO excited.

This news made me really think about our life and how truly blessed we are. Even though my husband is gone and will be away from us for the next year, we really have so much to be thankful for.

As I thought about my blessings, I began to really see and hear people around me and saw how many people in the world are stuck or sad about things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. These people are stuck in a trap of negativity and always seem to have something to be upset about. I felt sad for them. They are exhausting themselves striving for some perfect world. If our world was perfect, wouldn't it be boring? I think imperfection brings character and life.

I made a choice to remember that we have a roof over our head, food on the table, our health and most importantly, each other. These are the important things in life.

Of course we will all have those days where nothing seems to go right. But that is life. I'm saying goodbye to the forces in my life that encourage perfection and hello to those who love imperfection.

We cant wait to see Ryan and spend this week soaking up his presence. This week, really look at your Christmas lights and see how bright they shine. Be with your family and see how really "being" feels.

Have a Merry Christmas everyone!!

A little funny magic

"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things"

We all had a first this week. We got to say "hi" to and touch Dancer, the reindeer. There was a Christmas Open House at the hospital and the reindeer came for a visit. It was SO cold, but really fun. The best thing about the reindeer for me was that it reinforced the magic of the season with the kids. The magic only lasts for a handful of years with kids and I hate that it is starting to diminish. So this was such a blessing for the kids to rekindle it.

On our way out of the hospital, we ran into a nurse who was giving tours of the operating room. The kids got hats and masks at the tour so it was inevitable that there would be some serious surgeries going on at home that night.

The shots were given by a dart gun and prep was through hand sanitizer.

Dont worry, Brock pulled through and survived!

We have been fortunate to Skype a couple times this week with Ryan. The novelty of seeing your face on the computer screen has not worn off for the kids, they mostly make funny faces, funny noises and extreme close ups for daddy. However, we love being able to see Ry and tell him about our day.

I hope everyone has a great week. Remember the little things, the magic and the funny things to be grateful for.

Glass half full.......

In week one I was committed to get back into our routine. The kids went back to school after Thanksgiving break and I dove back into my schoolwork. Routine was the best thing for all of us.

We had a great week! Lots of fun and I laughed a lot. I made it a point this week to jot down some of the one-liners that came out of my kiddos mouths. They are so funny. Ryan and I are such dry humor (and often inappropriate humor) individuals so the kids were doomed from day one to see humor in everything.

On Tuesday morning, Brock and I were walking to the bus stop and he took a deep breath in and told me "I love the smell of superheros in the morning..." (I'm certain he hasn't watched Apocalypse Now, so the coincidental scent remark was h.i.l.a.r.i.o.u.s)

On Wednesday, I counted Sydney telling her brother he was "inappropriate and making bad choices" ten times. He probably was..but does she have to act like such a counselors kid....

On Thursday, I told Brock to look up at the sky because the whole sky was filled with layers of clouds that looked almost exactly the same. His response..."Geeze mom, that's a whole lot of angels looking down on us..." (Didn't look like angels, but I like the way he thinks...)

On Friday, we were getting ready to go see Santa. Brock started acting all nervous and whispered to me....."What do I do if Santa is an impostor?" (How the heck do I answer that...I managed to)

I had decided to do a different project each month to count the days Ryan is gone. So we made a paper link chain for this month. However, I quickly found out that Brock is still not grasping the abstract idea of future time. So every time Brock would tear away a link he would think that what was left for the month was when daddy would be home. It was just too difficult for Brock to understand month to month.

So, our newest project is for the whole 365 days. We filled up one glass jar with glass pebbles and each day we take one pebble and put it in an empty jar.

This way the kids can see when the halfway mark comes and also when we are close to homecoming.

What a better way to envision our glass being half full........

Goodbye....

I don't have a big story to tell. Yesterday was draining and we are all working on gaining our heart's energy back. Yesterday went by so fast, but I have several vivid memories that will forever be with me.

• My sweet Sydney, who is emotional and artistic and wonderful in every way, woke up at 4am with such anxiety. I remember wishing I could take it away from her but sat with her and allowed her to feel it in hopes of strength and healing.

• Brock fell asleep on the way to Omaha with his beloved chocolate donut in his lap. I knew he was more than just tired because a chocolate donut never just sits.

• I remember Ryan and I reaching for each other's hand at the same time as we hit the city limits of Omaha and silently holding hands.

• Out of nowhere, Brock told his dad, in his beautiful young boy voice, that he is the man of the house now and will take the trash out for mommy.

• I literally felt like I couldn't let go of Ryan when hugging him goodbye.

• Kids saying goodbye to Ryan and doing fairly well until they finally felt that goodbye on the way home. I remember feeling like it was a small blessing from above that Ryan didn't have to see the kids so upset. It would have just killed him.

• Brock continuing to ask me all day, how many more days till daddy gets home.

• Finding Ryan's toothbrush sitting out and breaking down alone in the bathroom.

Our journey started with dealing with the upcoming deployment and preparing for it. Now begins our journey into moving forward. As a military wife you always have a small feeling inside that it will be taking away from your spouse by moving forward with life. But you know you have to. Life goes on. So, we are looking forward to Christmas and of course, Santa. Life as a crazed single mom may get interesting with blogs so hold on for the journey. Have a wonderful week.

My dearest....

(I included a couple fun pictures I took today)

With our Thanks-mas coming soon I know that our week will go too fast. I am trying to relish our last six days together.
When I began writing this blog I told myself that I would do this to document my family's journey through this deployment in hopes that it would be not only cathartic for us but to place hope and love in others.

So, think of this entry as a devotion, love letter or whatever you wish....but look next to you when you read this and smile at, hug or love that person you see.

My dearest,
Im not scared for you to leave. Im not scared of the lonliness....it's the depths of it I fear. The nights when the house is quiet, Im not busy, and have nothing but my thoughts.
We have endured many obstacles in life and have always come out together and I would not be me without you. I am me because you serve as you do.
Will we be different when you return? I know we all will. We will be a year older and have grown through independence. But when that wonderful day comes when you walk towards our arms we will learn together again.

I dont want next Sunday to come, but feel like we have been waiting forever for this day....Im tired and am ready to begin so that it will end. Your confidence in me gives me strength and I love you with all my heart.

Thank you Friends and Family....

We had an awesome fairwell party for Ryan on Friday. The night was filled with family, friends and fun. I was overwhelmed with the support that people showed for Ryan and it made my heart happy.

It was a surprise party and I am happy to announce.....I pulled it off! For those who dont know me, I have problems with keeping secrets. (Christmas is SOOOO hard for me) So,the last month of planning was so hard for me not to spill the beans. I have to specially thank my mother-in-law for her help with some of the planning. Her help was great.

Ryan was truly surprised.

The kids had a blast until they had to leave. They bellied up to the appetizers and cake table and could have played darts all night.
We were able to reconnect with some old friends and share this time in our life with everyone we hold dear.

I am so thankful for those in my life who support us in everything. I have those in my life who know me for me and accept me with all my wonderfully special flaws.

Thank you each for being there with me through thick and thin. We have seen each other have babies, find love, change careers, feel loss and endure initiation.

The one constant is that no matter what the obstacle we face, we each know in our heart we will not be alone. We have each other....always.

Twelve days until Ryan departs. We are looking forward to a nice Thanksgiving/Christmas at home......with friends and family of course.

Goodbye Fall Break.....Hello Winter

I am so thankful for my family and friends!!! They keep me laughing, loving and driven. I love you all and thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Fall break was full of FUN and MEMORIES. I loved every minute of it.

The giant cardboard box entertained the kids one afternoon for hours. So funny how much fun they can have with certain things. Brock "fixed" the box up with an entire role of tape as the dogs sat and watched in confusion the whole time.

So many cousins....so little time!!

And of course....Halloween! Little pumpkins everywhere.

I hear people say all the time that they are not looking forward to winter. Well, I am! Yea...the cold isn't my favorite, but there is so much I love about it. Twinkling lights, warm fires, cookies, snowmen and pretty presents.

So the passing of the pumpkin has happened and now It's time to get my Christmas decorations out! (I know what your thinking...) but I decided this year since Ryan is leaving two days after Thanksgiving we are going to have Christmas and Thanksgiving together and Ryan and the kids will enjoy the beauty of Christmas together....even if it is a little early.

Three weeks till Ryan leaves. As far as material preparation I think we are ready. Emotional preparation on the other hand, isn't something we can prepare for, but will take it as it comes.

Finishing up buisness

As, I remember our last reunion, I am so busy fininshing up last minute things before Ryan leaves. We are now four weeks away from his departure and it feels like yesterday that we found out he had to leave.

Its funny how many little things I never thought about that I am having to learn. I am learning what size and where the furnace filters go, where and how to light the pilot light, where the main water shut off is, fuse box, fresh batteries in all the smoke alarms (which are way to high for me to reach), who to call for plumbing and electric problems, getting lawn mowers hired, snow scoopers, pooper scoopers, and the never ending need for MORE babysitter numbers.

My beautiful baby girl finally had her realization on Tuesday night. I knew it was coming but wasnt sure if it would happen until after Ryan left. Syd was getting ready for bed and it was like it just hit her. She cried out my name and I came into her room and she was crying hysterically, "daddy is leaving in four weeks and that isnt very long."

All I could do was acknowledge her pain and remind her over and over how much Ryan and I love her and that mommy was always going to be there. We talked about fun times. She finally calmed down and fell asleep...............

I layed by her thinking about how impressionable thier little minds are. Last time Ryan left, they were 2yrs and 7months. They didnt have concepts of time. Now, seven years later, will be a whole different ball game.

Im scared...really scared. I will not let the kids know how scared I am. However, all three of us will learn a great lesson in expressing emotion this year. We will hurt together, laugh together and miss together. In a small way, this year may help my children learn to talk about thier feelings.

Wonderful Surprise

Yesterday we received a wonderful surprise in the mail.........

Ry sent a video of him reading a book to each of the kids. The DVD and book were included in the package.

So, we watched.......

And we read........

And then we did it again......

Ry will be back from Afganistan in a few weeks and his year overseas doesnt start till November but his absence is felt no matter how long he is gone. The thoughtful surprise not only helped me and my worries for the kids but more than that, the kids were able to see daddy, hear daddy, and connect with him in a way. They knew he was speaking to them and thinking of them.

It reminded me how easily moments with those you love can be taken for granted. Thank you Ry. For more than the books, for the gift.

You know you are....when.......

Ive entered into what I consider the worst phase a spouse can be in when facing a deployment. It is when Ryan hasnt left yet......but I know he is leaving. He is still around....but I know he wont be. I dont want this to happen.....but I cant stop it.

Feeling helpless and waiting is the worst part. Is "knowing" he is leaving worse than if he was already gone?
But I have to focus on what is positive in my life, because positive is what will get us through.

So...I will choose to change this phase into.....I dont want to do this.....but I have to. I will pray.....because He loves. I will depend on others.....because they care. I will smile.....because it helps.

This makes me smile....You know your a military family when:

1. Your husband's work and dress clothes cost more than yours do.
2. You have mowed more lawns then you husband because he isnt there to do it.
3. You use a crook-neck flashlight with a red lens during power outages because it is the only one you can ever find.
4. your kids say "hooah" or "roger" instead of "ok".
5. You know it's normal to light shoe polish on fire and the best way to spit shine shoes is with cotton balls.
6. Your husband does a route recon and takes his GPS to a trip to the mall.
7. You write in pencil because EVERYTHING is subject to change.
8. You tear up to "Proud to be an American" even though you have heard it 50 times.
9. You know a 2 month separation IS short, no matter what your civilian friends say.
10. You show your military ID to the greeter at Walmart.
11. You know that "Ft. Puke" is a completely accurate description of Ft. Polk.
12. You dont have to think about what time 21:30 is.
13. You have ever been referred to as "household 6"
14. Your the TC, not the backseat driver
15. You start ripping open MREs looking for M&Ms when you run out of candy on Halloween.
16. You have ever had a pet named Scout, Ranger, or Sergeant.
17. It only cost you $25 to have a child.
18. You find that a large number of your clothes and household items are "olive drab or loam"
19. You pick apart uniforms on TV shows and Movies, even though you have yelled at your husband for doing the same thing.
20. You know what "pogey bait" your husband loves.
21. You wish you could go to CIF to DX with your old stuff like your husband can.
22. You give your kids a hand reciept when they take your Tupperware to school.
23. You can hate the military life and be terrified to leave it all in the same breath.
24. You defend your lifestyle no matter how bad things get because you know there is no other life for you.
10.

Five things I have learned

Five things I have learned and surrendered to as a mom!

1. The "plastic collection" of glassware is totally IN this year. When I got married I had such a beautiful set of Crate and Barrel stines, mugs and glasses. Well, through love lost, I have learned that I am destined to have plastic cups for at least the next nine years. Although, the occasional Chuck-E-Cheese and Fishy cup does add the my kitchen's ambiance.

2. Wood kitchen floors are awesome at hiding spots. These spots will remain there until I mop and I wont mop everyday. Darker colored spills are better and more preferred around my house because the wood floor allows it to be a bit camouflaged. The floor will get mopped once a week unless the Exxon Valdez is spilled.

3. I could be a mortician or coroner. With the amount of poop, pee, puke and blood I have dealt with I am convinced that I could walk into an autopsy minus the Vicks under the nose.

4. Spills happen in slow motion, yet they are never saved.

5. Surrender to the "dad factor." If you leave dad in charge while you are out or at an appointment.......he will not do it right. The sooner you learn and accept this, the better life will be. He will not understand why they wont go to sleep with cartoons on, he will not understand that going to bed with clothes on is not the same as pjs, and he will not understand why fruits and veggies at dinner are needed. (Disclaimer alert......love you Major)

So come on over and have an unhealthy meal, while drinking out of a Chuck-E-Cheese cup, watching cartoons with the occasional scabby knee mixed in.

New Fall Resolutions

Wow, I didnt think it would be so hard sending Syd and Brock off to school.

I already miss them. We had such a fun summer together!
However, back to school season always feels a bit like New Years to me. It's like afresh start. So many things are changing. Kids are going back to school, the season is changing and new activities. Maybe this should be everyone's New Fall Resolution Time.

What will my resolutions be?

1. School Mornings will be less crazy. Wait....that's probably inevitable. I mean in seven years I still have to remind the boogers to put on their shoes 25 times before we even hit the door. Maybe my resolution should be to let them go to school without their shoes if they don't listen the first time. Yeah.....That will teach em. Hmmmmm......ok, scratch this one. Next.

2. The TV will be on less at our house. Hold on.....wouldn't that be like a dangerous detox for them? I mean it is crack cocaine for kids? They could have some serious withdrawal symptoms. Better do it slowly....Ok, lets try this again.

3. Major and I will synchronize our schedules better and I will be more organized. If only he would use my cute purse calendar.....I like old school paper and he likes to put everything on his phone. (I think he secretly doesn't like how it clashes with his outfit) ***Well, at least my well thought out activity center in the kitchen will help. I mean how hard is it to train the troops to actually use the files, pencil holders and post it board.......I can clean off their sticky suckers, cups, cleaners, bags, keys and newspapers everyday so it actually serves its purpose...right? Ugh...this isn't working.

I guess Ill just stick with our Mantra that we are a happily imperfect family that loves and supports one another. That's how we work well together. We have craziness everyday, but that is what makes us.....us! We don't pretend to be perfect, but I guess that's why I have such amazing kids.

Have a great week.
What's your New Fall Resolution?

Ever notice how you go on vacation to "get away and relax" and when you get home from "vacation" you are so tired from "vacation" that you feel like you need another one right away........for ONCE we didnt do that.

The following was the Earleywine vacation schedule: Wake up....beach...pool...beach...lunch...nap...beach...pool...eat....beach....sleep.

For 4 Straight Days!

We were so laid back, we relaxed our bodies and minds.

I had time to reflect on many things. I thought about how my life has changed since I started staying home with the kids. Sure there are things I miss about working, but I chose this change for my family and me and my decisions are not about just me anymore. If this decision betters my family then it betters me in turn. I realized how I have come to love my life even more. I am a better wife, mother, friend and person. The time will come soon that I will finish grad school and return to work....that makes me smile because I will be doing something I love instead of something simply because it pays the bills.

It has hit me that Ryan is really going to be gone for a YEAR of our lives...he will miss those milestones like birthdays, holidays, anniversary and my graduation. But he also is making that sacrifice.

I haven't really mourned the fact that he is leaving. I suppose its because i have stayed so busy. But all those familiar questions are coming back, like "how will I ever have enough babysitters?", "how will I feel safe?", and "how will I fix that sink if it breaks?" But we got through this two other times and we can do it again. I am armed with lessons learned and will take it day by day with the help of my wonderful family and friends.

Summer choices...

Because someone, somewhere was looking over me....I was able to spend this whole summer at home with my children. Oh, what a summer we had!

Of course, we had lots of the usual suspects........Park and Pool......

.....But more than that.....I was able to slow down. After working outside the home for almost 10 years, I have come to realize, life isnt about how fast you can move or how fast you can get something done.....

Its about really hearing the questions your child asks you and catching those special moments. Like the pride Brock felt when he FINALLY lost that tooth......

I have to wonder if we were being looked over and given this summer for a reason, with Ryan leaving and my kids growing up way TOO fast....

We all have wishes.....Syd and Brock wished for toys. (of course), but my private wish is that I make it through this deployment and year with happiness, dignity, family and friends. Ryan and I will be different people when he returns (its inevitable) but I choose to see that as an opportunity to get to know a familiar stranger again. After all, life is all about choices.

We leave for Florida in one more day, so wish us luck on the plane ride....Im NOT good on a plane and the kids have never flown.....So Ryan may be carrying me over his shoulder (after I load up on pre-flight drinks) and two kids in tote.....Wow, sounds great doesnt it......

I have been blessed in life with a wonderful husband and children. I chose to begin this blog in order to document my families journey through my husbands third deployment.

We all get so busy in life and forget to reflect on how these types of journeys help us grow, change and learn. My hope is that this blog will allow me and my family to reflect on our blessings and not sorrows during this time and maybe.....just maybe I can inspire others in the process.

My husband doesnt leave for a few more months but our planning and preparing has already begun.

Thus far, the hardest part has been telling the children about daddy having to leave for the next year. Lots of questions and emotions. However, children are SO resilient.....they are now laughing about being two grades ahead when daddy gets home.....Im sure that doesnt make Ryan laugh, but we know if the kids are finding some humor in this, then that is a good thing.

We are getting ready to leave for a family vacation before Ry leaves. Our hope is to relax, love each other and have a TON of fun. (although hotel rooms with two kids can at times be considered an alternate form of tourture...) Definately more to come on vacation........