Goodbye....

I don't have a big story to tell. Yesterday was draining and we are all working on gaining our heart's energy back. Yesterday went by so fast, but I have several vivid memories that will forever be with me.

• My sweet Sydney, who is emotional and artistic and wonderful in every way, woke up at 4am with such anxiety. I remember wishing I could take it away from her but sat with her and allowed her to feel it in hopes of strength and healing.

• Brock fell asleep on the way to Omaha with his beloved chocolate donut in his lap. I knew he was more than just tired because a chocolate donut never just sits.

• I remember Ryan and I reaching for each other's hand at the same time as we hit the city limits of Omaha and silently holding hands.

• Out of nowhere, Brock told his dad, in his beautiful young boy voice, that he is the man of the house now and will take the trash out for mommy.

• I literally felt like I couldn't let go of Ryan when hugging him goodbye.

• Kids saying goodbye to Ryan and doing fairly well until they finally felt that goodbye on the way home. I remember feeling like it was a small blessing from above that Ryan didn't have to see the kids so upset. It would have just killed him.

• Brock continuing to ask me all day, how many more days till daddy gets home.

• Finding Ryan's toothbrush sitting out and breaking down alone in the bathroom.

Our journey started with dealing with the upcoming deployment and preparing for it. Now begins our journey into moving forward. As a military wife you always have a small feeling inside that it will be taking away from your spouse by moving forward with life. But you know you have to. Life goes on. So, we are looking forward to Christmas and of course, Santa. Life as a crazed single mom may get interesting with blogs so hold on for the journey. Have a wonderful week.

My dearest....

(I included a couple fun pictures I took today)

With our Thanks-mas coming soon I know that our week will go too fast. I am trying to relish our last six days together.
When I began writing this blog I told myself that I would do this to document my family's journey through this deployment in hopes that it would be not only cathartic for us but to place hope and love in others.

So, think of this entry as a devotion, love letter or whatever you wish....but look next to you when you read this and smile at, hug or love that person you see.

My dearest,
Im not scared for you to leave. Im not scared of the lonliness....it's the depths of it I fear. The nights when the house is quiet, Im not busy, and have nothing but my thoughts.
We have endured many obstacles in life and have always come out together and I would not be me without you. I am me because you serve as you do.
Will we be different when you return? I know we all will. We will be a year older and have grown through independence. But when that wonderful day comes when you walk towards our arms we will learn together again.

I dont want next Sunday to come, but feel like we have been waiting forever for this day....Im tired and am ready to begin so that it will end. Your confidence in me gives me strength and I love you with all my heart.

Thank you Friends and Family....

We had an awesome fairwell party for Ryan on Friday. The night was filled with family, friends and fun. I was overwhelmed with the support that people showed for Ryan and it made my heart happy.

It was a surprise party and I am happy to announce.....I pulled it off! For those who dont know me, I have problems with keeping secrets. (Christmas is SOOOO hard for me) So,the last month of planning was so hard for me not to spill the beans. I have to specially thank my mother-in-law for her help with some of the planning. Her help was great.

Ryan was truly surprised.

The kids had a blast until they had to leave. They bellied up to the appetizers and cake table and could have played darts all night.
We were able to reconnect with some old friends and share this time in our life with everyone we hold dear.

I am so thankful for those in my life who support us in everything. I have those in my life who know me for me and accept me with all my wonderfully special flaws.

Thank you each for being there with me through thick and thin. We have seen each other have babies, find love, change careers, feel loss and endure initiation.

The one constant is that no matter what the obstacle we face, we each know in our heart we will not be alone. We have each other....always.

Twelve days until Ryan departs. We are looking forward to a nice Thanksgiving/Christmas at home......with friends and family of course.

Goodbye Fall Break.....Hello Winter

I am so thankful for my family and friends!!! They keep me laughing, loving and driven. I love you all and thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Fall break was full of FUN and MEMORIES. I loved every minute of it.

The giant cardboard box entertained the kids one afternoon for hours. So funny how much fun they can have with certain things. Brock "fixed" the box up with an entire role of tape as the dogs sat and watched in confusion the whole time.

So many cousins....so little time!!

And of course....Halloween! Little pumpkins everywhere.

I hear people say all the time that they are not looking forward to winter. Well, I am! Yea...the cold isn't my favorite, but there is so much I love about it. Twinkling lights, warm fires, cookies, snowmen and pretty presents.

So the passing of the pumpkin has happened and now It's time to get my Christmas decorations out! (I know what your thinking...) but I decided this year since Ryan is leaving two days after Thanksgiving we are going to have Christmas and Thanksgiving together and Ryan and the kids will enjoy the beauty of Christmas together....even if it is a little early.

Three weeks till Ryan leaves. As far as material preparation I think we are ready. Emotional preparation on the other hand, isn't something we can prepare for, but will take it as it comes.