We May Not Have It All Together, But Together We Have It All.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

True feelings......

About a week ago, Brock said to me.  “Mom, I have to tell you something that scares me.”  I said “you can tell me anything Brock.”  So he proceeded to tell me that he feels scared sometimes because he feels like he forgot what it was like to have a daddy.  Sydney chimed in and said she felt more nervous because she didn’t know what it would be like to have a daddy again. 
It was so open and honest, almost to the point where it stung a little.  So we talked about it and talked about how that is perfectly normal and things got better.   I started to think about the beauty of children.  They don’t usually say things out of worry of what “others will think” or “how others will react”…They simply say what is on their mind and what is important to them.  They own their feelings much better than any adult could. 
 

I mean, what adult would say, “I feel like I’m forgetting what it is like to have a husband.”  Oh No, we use much more colorful and sophisticated words and phrases in order to mask our true feelings.  I mean it is much more convenient to trick ourselves into thinking that our hurt or pain isn’t as bad as it really is.  We as adults struggle many times to just simply say, “I’m scared sometimes, and I hurt sometimes”……Instead its much easier to say “I’m mad” instead of “I’m embarrassed”  Or, “I’m mad” instead of “I’m hurt”  because then we would run the risk of looking weak or feeling a little bit of pain.  What ever happened to feeling pain (even though not pleasant) because it is normal.


I suppose this is the trueness of a deployment and how it affects children and everyone involved.  I am so thankful that my kiddos feel open enough to tell me their thoughts and feelings.  I’m sure in a few years that all may change, but for today, I’m optimistic.

Major is beginning his mobilization oversight training with the unit pegged to replace his unit, so this is a big milestone in regards to our countdown.  We are entering into October, which means our last full month of his absence.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Go Big Red.........................

on the sidelines
The kids and I received tickets to last week’s Husker game and were honored as that weeks “military family.”  I have to admit, I was initially a little hesitant to go out on the field because I don’t like the attention.  But, as I thought about how neat it would be for the kids to experience something big, full of energy and exciting that is ultimately honoring their father, I knew they needed to be a part of that.  Afterall, they deserved that day.  They have gone through this year with dignity and even though they miss their daddy desperately, they have gone on with unending pride and respect for what he is doing.  Because they know that sometimes there are things bigger than us. 
message from Major....brought tears to my eyes.



The biggest surprise of the night was a pre-recorded message from Major.  I remember hearing  Brock yell in my ear as we were down on the field “its daddy!”  we looked up and there he was.  It was great.  The kids were so excited. 
Go Big Red!






Brock threw the bones on Husker Vision, Sydney waved and they felt like stars for the day.  It was so much fun.



Syd throwin bones too!

We are down to two months now.  When I say it, it seems so close, but when I try to feel it or think about it, it seems so far away.  We are all tired, worn and ready for the separation part of this deployment to come to an end.   


What a Great Day!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

What we have learned..............

Ry's unit flying over

Today was the day that changed our lives as a military family forever.  Little did we know, but ten years later we would endure two overseas deployments, my husband almost missing the birth of our son, and many lessons learned.  

Just like everyone, I can still remember exactly where I was and what I was doing ten years ago.  We were living in a small one bedroom apartment for six months while we finished building our home.  I was sitting on the floor of our apartment playing with my six month old daughter. I had just finished feeding her breakfast and turned on the TV just after the first plane hit.  It seems as if the next couple hours of events happened in a matter of minutes.  My husband at that time was working for a civilian business and was out of town in Denver for business.  He was supposed to fly home that morning.  I remember not being able to get a hold of him on his cell phone and in the confusion of what was happening didn’t know if he was in the air or diverted somewhere else.  Finally, Ry called home and let us know that his flight was grounded and he was renting a car to get home. 

From that point on I watched, waited and somewhere deep inside, knew that our lives would not be the same. 

We settled into our life and I got pregnant with our son.  When I was seven month pregnant we got the call.  Ry was being activated to head over to Iraq.  I can still remember the call.  We were just walking inside from going grocery shopping and the phone was ringing.  I remember feeling uneasy when I saw it was a military call in the middle of the afternoon.  Ry left in a matter of weeks.  He was doing his train up in Kansas so we were able to drive down and see him on the weekends.  I can still feel the emotional drain each Sunday brought as we said our “goodbyes.”  We didn’t know when he would leave Kansas for Iraq and knew it could happen at any moment so we were happy to have a weekends with him, but each Sunday brought a draining goodbye.  

After a little over a month of this, we finally decided I was entering my ninth month and the Sunday goodbyes were too much. So we said our final Sunday goodbye. I got an induction date and prayed everyday that his unit would still be in Kansas and that he would be allowed to come to Lincoln for the birth.  The night before my induction his unit had not left and he called and told me that he was on his way back for the birth, but that he may have to leave at any moment.  Thankfully, Ry was able to be there for his son’s birth and spend that whole day with his new son.  The next morning, I remember quietly saying goodbye to Ry as he left the hospital room to return to duty.  I can still perfectly picture him walking out of the hospital room in his army fatigues.  Thinking how horribly surreal it was to spend a matter of hours with his new son and have to leave to serve. 

Fast forward a few weeks.  Ryan’s unit was de-activated and never did leave Kansas and they returned home.  We again, resumed to a somewhat normal lifestyle.  Fast forward seven months and his unit was again activated.  We had about a month this time to prepare.  Ryan was directed to this unit as the commander and knew he would go this time.  This was the deployment that the majority of our life lessons were learned.  Ry returned home in 2005 and we settled back into life again until this deployment.  We are now in the final chapter of this deployment and as I look back on this day I can see how many amazing ways our life has changed us.

I have a friend who is doing a paper for her grad class and she asked me yesterday about what qualities a person should possess to be successful in the workplace.  I realized my answers were what I have learned mostly in the last ten years.  They are not only applicable to the workplace but in life. We all go through trials, joys and tribulations but what you take from it and how you learn from it is what makes you better. How your character changes for the better by taking those lessons and learning from them is what makes you strong.  I replied:  Being humble and not having a sense of entitlement, communication, and a sense of humor.   

These are exactly the lessons we have learned as a family over the past ten years.   We are to be humble and serve. We are not entitled to anything….we have to work for everything we have, even freedom.  We have to communicate.  It is vital to communicate our likes, sadness, needs and pride.  It branches into everything from parenting, relationships, relating to others and being true to ourselves.  And finally, keeping a sense of humor.  When there are times that nobody can control and life throws you difficult or stressful situations that cannot be changed, we laugh.

Our flag out front of our house seems a little brighter today, because today is not a day we mourn anymore, today is a day to remember and rejoice in what we have all learned and how resilient we are as a family and a nation. I am so proud and thankful for all the sacrafices that everyday people and service men and women make for us everyday. 

Friday, September 9, 2011

Rush Week.............

Why does my home look like a frat house all the time?  I ask myself this question at least a couple times a week.  I think back and don’t seem to remember my house needing as much constant cleaning.  Hmmmmm, not sure what has happened.  I mean seriously, I have one less, messy person living in the house this year.  (Although Major would disagree with the statement that he is “messy”) So that should take away from some mess.  Right?  Then, I think, I have two kids who are now a year older and they should be able to take on one or two additional chores.  Hmmmmm, what is going on????  Maybe it is my pet peeves that drive me crazy about the current members of this fraternity.

For instance: 

·        The mascots of the house (our beloved German Shepards) shed to the point where I have stock in dyson and often wonder if I could make money knitting Shepard sweaters.  Seriously dogs, get a job and pull your weight around here.

·        My wonderful 8 year old has a phobia about allowing the toothpaste tube touch his toothbrush and freaks if toothpaste touches his hand, so he feels the need to squeeze out a length of toothpaste that makes it safe.  For him anyway, not for my counters. 

·        Oh, and my amazing 10 year old just loves her snacks so much that it is only natural after 500 redirections by mom that she still is not quite sure what a trash can is for, I mean swiss cake and granola bar wrappers must be too heavy to carry ten feet to the trash can. 


I’m thinking I should go ahead and begin an initiation process that coincides with rush week.  Here, the potential members of this house would have to either prove their worthiness through cleaning abilities or drink their weight in Sunny D. 

Oh, wait, and then I remember….  Even though I may have one less person in the house to mess it up, I realize how much having that one person around really does help with the work load.  That person may not be a stellar clean freak, but he takes on kid stuff and errands which allows me more time to keep the frat house up to code.  I have to remember to give myself a break and know that I am one person and I cannot do it all.  If the dishes have to wait till the next morning to get in or out of the dishwasher, then they can!! After all being a house manager is hard work and we all deserve to allow ourselves to be imperfect and to laugh about it.   

Ten weeks and counting.  Ten weeks still feels a ways off to get too excited about but at this point there is a glimmer of a light at the end of the tunnel.  I miss Major more than ever these days.  Getting through the next few months seems like it will need to be robotronics at this point, but hey, if that gets us there, I am ok with that.