We May Not Have It All Together, But Together We Have It All.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Treats from the heart.......

Over the past few weeks when we talk to Ry on the phone, he tells the kids about his Afgan counterpart, who is a General in the Afgan Army. They work together and are learning about each other's cultures.

Ry informed us that the General often doesnt eat lunch because in their culture it is not appropriate for him to eat with his soldiers. So, from time to time, Ry gives the General some of his pogey-bait (military lingo for snacks).

The other day, the kids informed me that they wanted to send daddy some cookies. Then, they remembered about the General and decided that they needed to send him some cookies too. This turned into informing daddy of thier plan and then daddy telling the General what the kids were doing. So, a plan was hatched!!!!...........
***We would take pictures of the kids making the cookies. Mail them to daddy and the General. Then daddy and the General will take a picture of themselves eating the cookies and send it back to the kids.*****
The kids are SO excited about it. Sydney wrote a little note to the General that said "thank you for helping and making our world a better place." Of course, Brock wanted to write on his note.... "Im sorry you are so short and dont have good food to make you grow" (BUT, that note didnt make it in the box) (Brock heard from someone that Afgan men are short because the food nutrition in their native country isnt very good)

We will be sure to share our pictures we get back from Ry.

Just thought we would share our plan that spans 7000 miles and has brought kids closer to their daddy, a wife closer to her husband and strangers closer to humanity.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda.......



Don’t you hate it when you have that moment of clarity when you realize….Oh my gosh, my kids are growing up way too fast. I have these every now and then.
Last week, I was so excited for the kids to come home. I had missed them terrible that day. They got off the bus, walked in the door, threw their book bags on the table and ran out the door to play with their friends.

It was a beautiful day and of course they wanted to play outside, but when I suggested that maybe we all go out and play ball, they both looked at me like I was crazy and said they would rather play with their friends. Wow,….I'm not as cool as I used to be with them.

So, I sat on the porch and read a book while they were screaming with glee across the neighborhood. I started to think about how fast they have grown. I remember when they were tiny like it was yesterday and wish that they could stay that way forever.


So I asked myself. Have I done all I can up to this point in their life? If I could go back, could I have done something different? Then of course, with my mind, I asked......what in my life could I have done differently.
I started thinking of many times in my life when my decisions didn’t lead to my desired outcome…..I began to contemplate different actions and what those possible outcomes could have been…but I found……every decision me make (good or bad) has an outcome….and each of those decisional outcomes brings us to where we are today as people. So, can I really say I have any regrets or should have done something differently? Maybe if I had done something differently then I would not be where I am today surrounded by the people that love me so.

Maybe a better way to put it is...have I learned things from my past, and not.......should I have done something differently. If I learn from it, I can do it better, but if I never do it, then I cant learn from it.

Interesting…..why do people have so many regrets? Of course, there are times when I say something silly (as my friends like to call them….Tory-isms) and after I say them I think, duh…..and sure there were times (So I am told…) that I was a little too outspoken at work…but that is so much more than outward appearances. It is who I am, it is how people learn to interact with one another, and it is acceptance.

So maybe from now on, instead of coulda, shoulda, woulda, we should all remember…relax, live and learn.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

"hugs"

Do we all need a hug? What is the power of a hug? Maybe a hug in the physical sense, but also a “hug” in the sense of just showing care for another. I think that everyone needs a “hug” now and then. I also think that “hugs” are becoming less and less ordinary in our lives.

This morning I really thought about what my “hugs” have been recently, and I was amazed at how blessed I really am and how many “hugs” are in our life that we don’t notice.

Of course I get down about Ry being gone and there are definitely times where I wish that I could throw in the towel and surrender to the exhaustion and emptiness. But, I have no choice but to search within myself and take notice of the “hugs” around me.

"Hug" number one occurred after watching my son struggle with loosing his daddy and trying to figure out what he is without his daddy. I talked to Ry about all this and my amazing husband took the time to add a couple more calls per week to simply say “good morning” or “goodnight” to the kids so they consistently hear how he is thinking of them and loves them.

Another “hug” was Ry’s good Army buddy taking Brock under his wing over the last couple weeks and giving Brock some much needed testosterone influence. Brock has not had a crying fit about missing daddy in almost two weeks. Brock looks forward to this time and has somehow located his self confidence that was misplaced for a while. Brock looks forward to spending “Guy time” and I am forever in debt to the support that this has given Brock.
I was watching my beautiful boy begin to sink and pull within and now he has started to turn that around.

“Hug” number three, was my visit to a place that many people don’t know about, choose to not think about or have forgotten about. I visited the Winnebago and Omaha Reservations. While it is very easy to see the outside picture of extreme poverty and dysfunction within their land, what I came away with was the inside picture. I was able to see how even though people have little, go without, or have a sadness in their life that many of us will never be able to fathom, there is a human spirit in everyone that may be masked but is still there. I need to remain aware of what I have in life and not what I don’t have.

And finally my best “hug” of all was coming home from class last night and getting an actual hug from Brock. We all get hugs from our kids, but this hug was different. I don’t know if it was my experience that day, or an actual transfer of emotion from Brock, but I came home and my big man simply came out of his room…. said “mommy”quietly…..and without running or acting silly…. he held his arms out and gave me the longest, warmest hug I have ever felt. It was as if I was being told by everything bigger than me that “it was going to work out and be ok.

“Hugs” have a power all their own. They allow a person to smile and breath.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Thank you.....


I have a dear friend who is also living her life without her husband. He is serving overseas and she is such an inspiration to me and many others. She silently moves forward with the life we love, just as so many others do.
We were talking the other day and it struck me how unique we really are as military women. Not better or worse, not stronger or weaker.....just different.
I realized how there is an unspoken understanding about everything that comes out of our mouths. We are free to speak openly to each other without the fear of others drawing bias conclusions, feelings of competition from others, or misunderstandings.
I can tell her I am simply "having a bad day" and she knows it goes much, much deeper than just "the kids not listening." You see, a military wife's bad day comes from a place few can truly know. It's impossible to explain the depths of the combination of fears, hopes and loss that a "Bad day" comes from.
I often get told or asked "why don't you just ask for help?" But many don't understand how and why this is difficult to do. A military wife struggles with this because they are trained just as their husband is to "just get the job done." We have all dealt with the occasional disconcerting comment about it being "our choice" to marry a military man or how can we "support that war." We have learned to keep our monologues internal and move on with our lives no matter how misunderstanding others can be because we know, inside, that none of that is why we do what we do.
A military wife eventually learns that there is a cycle...and this cycle will always be. The cycle may be fluid, but cannot be changed and must be accepted.
It starts with saying goodbye and learning to cope with loss, then the cycle continues and we learn to live without our loved one...this comes with guilt for the necessity of having to move on with life without your loved one...and finally, when all is working....we learn to say hello again. we learn to live with a familiar stranger.
I adore my life and have unyielding pride to be part of the 1% of the population that serves. I am blessed with and incredible group of friends and family, but many are not. My hope for this blog is that you will do something nice for that military family you know. Maybe they live down the street, maybe they are in your church, or maybe it's someone you don't really know. Don't wait for them to ask....just do it. Scoop a walk, drop off a casserole, or simply leave an anonymous card on their step saying you care.