True feelings......

About a week ago, Brock said to me.  “Mom, I have to tell you something that scares me.”  I said “you can tell me anything Brock.”  So he proceeded to tell me that he feels scared sometimes because he feels like he forgot what it was like to have a daddy.  Sydney chimed in and said she felt more nervous because she didn’t know what it would be like to have a daddy again. 

It was so open and honest, almost to the point where it stung a little.  So we talked about it and talked about how that is perfectly normal and things got better.   I started to think about the beauty of children.  They don’t usually say things out of worry of what “others will think” or “how others will react”…They simply say what is on their mind and what is important to them.  They own their feelings much better than any adult could. 

 

I mean, what adult would say, “I feel like I’m forgetting what it is like to have a husband.”  Oh No, we use much more colorful and sophisticated words and phrases in order to mask our true feelings.  I mean it is much more convenient to trick ourselves into thinking that our hurt or pain isn’t as bad as it really is.  We as adults struggle many times to just simply say, “I’m scared sometimes, and I hurt sometimes”……Instead its much easier to say “I’m mad” instead of “I’m embarrassed”  Or, “I’m mad” instead of “I’m hurt”  because then we would run the risk of looking weak or feeling a little bit of pain.  What ever happened to feeling pain (even though not pleasant) because it is normal.

I suppose this is the trueness of a deployment and how it affects children and everyone involved.  I am so thankful that my kiddos feel open enough to tell me their thoughts and feelings.  I’m sure in a few years that all may change, but for today, I’m optimistic.

Major is beginning his mobilization oversight training with the unit pegged to replace his unit, so this is a big milestone in regards to our countdown.  We are entering into October, which means our last full month of his absence.