Fear of the unknown.........

Sometimes I wish I were fearless.  If I were fearless then the changes that we are facing would not seem so big.  Being fearless could mean less thinking.  I am not fearless.  Instead I cherish my worry and know that it is a safe thing to have. I know deep down that my worry is a responsible and strong trait.  

Major returns in six weeks.  Everyone’s initial response is Always, YEA, that’s so exciting!! And it is…trust me; I am SO happy that he will return.    However, what many don’t understand or think about is that it is also scary.  Not scary in the BOO factor, but scary because we (as military wives) have to admit to ourselves that excitement and happiness are not the only emotions we feel about the return.  We don’t want to admit it but we feel almost an equal amount of fear and anxiousness.  We don’t want to let on to this because we don’t want to be viewed as unthankful or not excited for our spouses. 

We simply think.

Who will you be?  Will you be calloused by your days?….will you be distant?  Will the miles actually translate into a loss of connection?  Will I be afraid, afraid of your eyes?

I have fears of what life will look like. 

I have a system, a structure that I have built over the last year that has worked well for us three since Major left.  It runs smoothly and it keeps us busy.  I have control of this system and to simply give away half of that is a really hard thing to do. Of course, it is nobody’s fault.  It is simply how it is. 

 

Now the task of a new routine will have to emerge.  More trials, more errors.

And, of course, the last thing Major (and most men I know) wants is to not be needed or not receive his half back.  And to his credit he should.  I find comfort in the fact that many military spouses right now are grinning and nodding as they read this because they understand.

So, how can we turn this into a good thing?  Strength and Positivity are key here. 

I feel the solution lies in how we choose to look at things.  We are in charge of our own feelings.  We are the only ones who can make ourselves feel better or worse.  Even in the midst of a tragedy, it isn’t that “things” fault we feel as we do.  I will not give the power of my own feelings to a situation.  Therefore, patience and flexibility will become primary.