Part Two: Returning to.......

I have this inner dialogue, how do I describe it?  How do I describe what I'm feeling now that

he is gone?  I feel like this posting is so abstract.  None the less, I know that I need to give my

words away.

I had to wake up Major Tuesday morning in order for him to get ready to leave.  I remember thinking how peculiar it was that “I” was waking him and telling him it was time to leave me.  I don’t want him to leave…..  I didn’t want to wake him……

I wondered to myself what he was thinking that morning as he was putting his uniform on again, after fourteen days of being without it.  He was quiet and swift and I knew he was switching gears and setting his mind to where it needed to be for him to finish this. 

The kids were troopers and did not shed a tear.  My mind worried that they are getting much too used to him leaving, but also know that they are so strong and courageous…..The kids asked a couple times throughout the day “Where’s daddy at?”  They had forgotten he was gone and thought he had just run an errand. 

The day he left I got home from the airport and for some unknown reason, reflected a lot about the questions he was asked when he was home.  Many people asked him….”what was it like over there?”  Some made general comments about “not knowing much was going on over there anymore.”  Of course, like many military families, we humbly report that things are fine and it’s just the way it is.  My thoughts on this ended up being saddened about how spoiled our society has become.  Are there really that many people out there who don’t realize what is going on overseas?  Do people go throughout the day without thinking at least once about people who serve for us?  Then I wondered, if people feel like in order to care about soldiers they must adhere to a certain platform or agree/disagree with the war.  However, I do know that the men and women serving directly affects each of us because they are our moms, dads, sisters, brothers, neighbors, friends……and they will permeate back into our communities when they finish their duty.  Their needs and givings are our responsibility as a community because we will all experience and/or feel the impact. 

I am not one to usually think this way and I questioned where all these thoughts came from.  I think I finally really absorbed what was going on around us when Major departed.  It was quiet and uneventful.  Just as he would have wanted it.  But behind that was a lull of avoidance and it was sad. 

Maybe this was a test in tolerance for me or a reminder of my pride, I'm not sure.  But I do know that I don’t want to ever “heal” from these feelings because they will drive me to remember.

Part One: Home

Two Part Blog......

Our two weeks with Major were awesome.  It took him four and half days to get home, so there was a bit more anticipation than we expected so we were on edge for a while.  There was a day and half we didn’t know where he was enroute, so we gauged and thought he would be hitting the states, of course when he was finally able to email us we found out that he was still grounded in Kuwait.  Ugh, I love you Army. 

Nonetheless he made it home.  Kids took off for him as they saw him exit the plane.  We weren’t inside the gate, so when they took off there was no stopping them….they got to him just outside the gate.  I remember Brock screaming for daddy as he ran and I noticed a gentleman jump because he didn’t realize what was happening.  Kinda funny. Both kids pummeled Major….It was an amazing embrace. 

Our fourteen days were filled with lots of activities.  Softball games (got to see 6 while home!), practices, dinners, get-togethers, and a mini-vacation. 

**Here is where I insert a lesson learned.  There has to be some sort of understanding ahead of time how your time will be spent.  Some may just want to do nothing and relax….mine does a lot of office time overseas so he wanted to “GO”  Admittedly, I didn’t really think it would be as jampacked as it was, but I had to consider the alternative.  Major didn’t want to sit at home too much because it makes leaving all the more difficult.  Also, staying home would have made it harder on us because we would have begun to sink into a “new normal” routine, only to have it ripped away.  So, I grinned and beared it.  This is the lesson…..Last deployment I would have most likely gotten a little pissy (“allegedly”) about being on the go so much....... by knowing this, I just let leave time roll and enjoyed it.   By doing this, I not only avoided dampening our time together but I also just let leave time be fun with no expectations for any of us.  Expectations such as different routine, switching parenting, etc….would have only confused the kids as soon as he left, but also made my “recovery” into single parenthood once he left harder as well.  This is just works for us.

Our mini vacation to Colorado was nice.  It gave us all time together away from everything and allowed us to feel no timelines.  It was a nice rejuvenation for us all. 

One of Majors loves is baseball so a close substitute is Syd’s softball stuff.  Major got to see six games and Syd’s pitching debut.  Syd decided this year that she wanted to be a pitcher.  So, knowing that she was about a year behind in experience, she vowed to be serious about it and work daily on her skills.  So, we discussed the work involved with her and got her a pitching coach.  This little booger has made me so proud with her dedication.  Knowing how dedicated she is to her daily chores I definitely thought it may pass, but it didnt.... She worked outside in the yard even after I am sweaty and tell her it’s too hot out, standing against the wall and do arm circles to ensure her arm stays close to her body, she also likes to drive me crazy and pitch a nerf ball downstairs against the door.  We all cant wait to see her growth over the winter. 

Another one of Major’s favorite things to do is play video games with Brock.  They both call it “relaxing”  So there was time for this as well.  Also, due to some “exposure therapy” (AKA:  Brock having to come along to Syd’s games) he has begun to show excitement and understanding about baseball, so nothing gave Major more joy than to work on Brock’s southpaw hit with him.  Of course, Brock continues to be our singing and dancing fool so Brock put on some great “shows” with Dance Central for Major and we laughed ourselves silly. 

We relaxed with our 83^rd street gang (neighbors) several evenings and Major discovered what going without a beer for six months feels like after only a couple. 

Major’s last night home was blissfully uneventful.  We all watched a movie and talked about next school year’s highlights that daddy would be home for.  We gave Brock an event mapping to remember for daddy’s return…..Fourth of July, School starts, Halloween, Thanksgiving….Daddy Home! 

Major was quiet his last night, but I knew he was letting go of feelings and switching back to his duty frame of mind.  I didn’t ask “what’s wrong” because I knew that his response would be “nothing” and to ask would only make his transition harder.  Besides, there was nothing “wrong” and this switch is mostly autopilot and Major may not even know he does it.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you…for the ability to spend time together as a family.  No matter how short, no matter how painful the return is……It was wonderful.