I have a dear friend who is also living her life without her husband. He is serving overseas and she is such an inspiration to me and many others. She silently moves forward with the life we love, just as so many others do.
We were talking the other day and it struck me how unique we really are as military women. Not better or worse, not stronger or weaker.....just different.
I realized how there is an unspoken understanding about everything that comes out of our mouths. We are free to speak openly to each other without the fear of others drawing bias conclusions, feelings of competition from others, or misunderstandings.
I can tell her I am simply "having a bad day" and she knows it goes much, much deeper than just "the kids not listening." You see, a military wife's bad day comes from a place few can truly know. It's impossible to explain the depths of the combination of fears, hopes and loss that a "Bad day" comes from.
I often get told or asked "why don't you just ask for help?" But many don't understand how and why this is difficult to do. A military wife struggles with this because they are trained just as their husband is to "just get the job done." We have all dealt with the occasional disconcerting comment about it being "our choice" to marry a military man or how can we "support that war." We have learned to keep our monologues internal and move on with our lives no matter how misunderstanding others can be because we know, inside, that none of that is why we do what we do.
A military wife eventually learns that there is a cycle...and this cycle will always be. The cycle may be fluid, but cannot be changed and must be accepted.
It starts with saying goodbye and learning to cope with loss, then the cycle continues and we learn to live without our loved one...this comes with guilt for the necessity of having to move on with life without your loved one...and finally, when all is working....we learn to say hello again. we learn to live with a familiar stranger.
I adore my life and have unyielding pride to be part of the 1% of the population that serves. I am blessed with and incredible group of friends and family, but many are not. My hope for this blog is that you will do something nice for that military family you know. Maybe they live down the street, maybe they are in your church, or maybe it's someone you don't really know. Don't wait for them to ask....just do it. Scoop a walk, drop off a casserole, or simply leave an anonymous card on their step saying you care.
1 comment:
As I am reading your posts, each one speaks to me. I just realized that I have never communicated with a military wife that was experiencing a deployment at the same time as me (and this is our 3rd deployment). My husband gets deployed for 3 months increments and therefore not "with" a unit and therefore I don't know any of the families with deployed spouses. Thank you for your words, it is so helpful to hear someone else with my same thoughts. People really can't understand what we go through. I think being a mother and military wife makes it doubly hard to ask for help...I am their mother, I can do it...the job will get done... I am having one of those "bad weeks" so again, thanks for the encouragement by sharing your thoughts.
Melissa Dodge
Post a Comment