Finishing up buisness

As, I remember our last reunion, I am so busy fininshing up last minute things before Ryan leaves. We are now four weeks away from his departure and it feels like yesterday that we found out he had to leave.

Its funny how many little things I never thought about that I am having to learn. I am learning what size and where the furnace filters go, where and how to light the pilot light, where the main water shut off is, fuse box, fresh batteries in all the smoke alarms (which are way to high for me to reach), who to call for plumbing and electric problems, getting lawn mowers hired, snow scoopers, pooper scoopers, and the never ending need for MORE babysitter numbers.

My beautiful baby girl finally had her realization on Tuesday night. I knew it was coming but wasnt sure if it would happen until after Ryan left. Syd was getting ready for bed and it was like it just hit her. She cried out my name and I came into her room and she was crying hysterically, "daddy is leaving in four weeks and that isnt very long."

All I could do was acknowledge her pain and remind her over and over how much Ryan and I love her and that mommy was always going to be there. We talked about fun times. She finally calmed down and fell asleep...............

I layed by her thinking about how impressionable thier little minds are. Last time Ryan left, they were 2yrs and 7months. They didnt have concepts of time. Now, seven years later, will be a whole different ball game.

Im scared...really scared. I will not let the kids know how scared I am. However, all three of us will learn a great lesson in expressing emotion this year. We will hurt together, laugh together and miss together. In a small way, this year may help my children learn to talk about thier feelings.